Crawling my way back to life

I used to be organized.  Once, long ago, I had a plan for everything, a place for everything and had it all figured out in my mind.  Things have gotten a lot more complicated since then.  Two kids, more bills, multiple calendars, work, school, ministry...I can't keep up with it all.  I think it started just over four years ago when I released I hadn't balanced my checkbook in 18 months.  Even though I managed to catch it up, a little part of me gave up at that moment.  Even more things started slipping. And now I find myself  constantly behind and constantly frustrated.  I don't like living this way.  Part of the reason is that most days I have very little energy. This is probably due to a poor diet.  Thankfully, in the last few months I have revolutionized my activity level.  By I still feel tired, behind, and somewhat out of control.  I was told this weekend by a friend that I was the most balanced person she knows.  If I am, it's only by the grace of God.  Some days it's hard to even get out of bed, much less do anything worthwhile!

So here I am, two weeks late...not making resolutions, but goals to get myself on track.  I've learned to cut myself a lot of slack in many areas and I'm glad.  Perfection is my enemy.

So here are my goals for the coming months.  I won't say the year, because some of these might not turn out to be realistic.  Or I may find I need to complete a different goal in order to move on to another goal.  It's a work in progress.

1.  Continue exercising- add at least one more day per week
2. Transition my family from processed to real foods as much as possible-use a menu
3. Consciously make an effort to practice kindness and friendship to my children
4. Carve out time each with my husband
5.  Set and maintain a schedule.  Not to fill my day, but to bring order to what I have to do.  Use a daily system to keep me on track.
6.  Make a home organizational binder
7. Devote 20 minutes a week to simplifying life and possessions.
8.  Make a plan to get out of debt (again) and stick to it.
9.  Most importantly, make the time to fuel my Spirit through daily interaction and relationship with Jesus.

I am hoping that once I accomplish some of these, that I can plan some other projects without overloading myself.  I can't be the person I need to be if I am all over the place.

Now my goals are out there for the world to see.  I believe I can make these changes...I'm sure revisions will be in the making!

September Chi Alpha Newsletter

Hi Everyone!

Like all good missionaries, we have started a monthly newsletter to let everyone know what's been happening in Chi Alpha.  I am posting it here so that we can link it to Facebook.  Just click on the picture below and it will be readable.  Still working on a better way to do this.

Thanks to all of you for your support and prayer!

Lawana

My Version of a Run

Two and a half weeks ago I completed my first ever 5K!  It was an awesome experience.  My time was just over 45 minutes, 59.8 seconds.  I finished #209 of 210 runners.  I beat out an 8 year old...go me! 

I know.  Unimpressive, right?  Perhaps at first glance.  But consider this:  5 weeks before that I started a couch to 5K running program and struggled to make it through running 1 full minute.  SLowly, I've been building my strength and ability to run longer times.

Yesterday I reached the official halfway point of the program.  I ran 25 minutes out of 34 with only 2 minutes of walking in between running sections.  Here's how it played out:  Run 2 minutes, Wall 2 minutes, Run 4 minutes, Walk 2 minutes, Run 5 minutes, Walk 2 minutes, Run 6 minutes, Walk 2 minutes, Run 7 minutes, Walk 2 minutes.

Trust me, by the time I got around to that last 7 minute section I was huffing it.  I was tired, out of breath, and feeling like I couldn't make it.  But I just kept thinking about when I started and looking at my time and telling myself I could do it.  Yes, I was running slowly.  Probably really walking if you compared me to most, but I was doing it.  I wasn't quitting.  Even though that would be so easy.  I'm not getting the results yet with my weight that I was hoping for.  I still get super tired.  I am not really enjoying it as much as I think I should.

I've been feeling a bit run down lately in my regular life.  This training process is exactly what it infers. I am pushed further than I was last week.  Sometimes I feel like it's to my breaking point.  It would be easy to quit.  Support raising isn't coming along like I hoped it would.  I don't feel like I'm getting results with students as quickly as I thought I would.  I'm tired and worn out and it seems like everyone else is winning but me.  I feel like stopping because it's too hard.  But...

I don't quit.  I keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I press on.  Giving up would be worse than what I feel right now.  I am going to finish.  And in that, I will win.

One day, I will run another 5K and my time will be faster.  I might even beat out more people.  Because I will keep training and trying and getting stronger.

And one day, I will finish this race too.  I will continue to train and to try.  I will get stronger, because He is my strength. 

 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 3:12-14

A Good Carrier

I woke up the girls this morning to get them all ready for school.  Emma was all sweet and groggy and asked me to carry her down the stairs.  I picked her up and as I walked down the stairs she looked up at me and said, "You're a good carrier."  It was sweet and cute coming from my little bed head.

I thought about that statement a lot as I went about my day.  First, as just the sweetness it was and how encouraging she can be.  Then, as I began to fret about my problems and fears it took on new meaning to me.

Last week was a tough week for me.  I took anxiousness and worry to a whole new level.  Not only worrying about today's problems, but next month, and even next year!  I am sure I made life not too easy for my wonderful and long suffering husband!
It was no surprise to me that our pastor preached an entire sermon on not worrying and casting our cares on The Lord.  I took it to heart and prayed for grace in that area.  It's a daily battle.
So as I thought about me carrying Emma I felt The Lord say, "I'm a good carrier."  That hit me pretty hard.  Probably because it's a truth that I tend to ignore.  He invites us to cast our cares on Him, to allow Him to carry the burden. It's not my responsibility to worry.

I kept thinking about this and it was very freeing for me and really gave me peace that I so desperately needed.  Tonight I thought again and I remembered a word a friend spoke over me 10 years ago.  Part of it specifically said that God was carrying me like a newborn baby in one of those harnesses on His chest: safe and secure and where I can see His face as He carries me.
I think of that from time to time, but it really took on a new light for me tonight.  Amazing how someone who said something 10 years ago can still impact me now in new ways.

So, whatever it is you're dealing with today, God is bigger.  He knows your worry and anxiety, and He is your answer.  I leave you with a few scriptures to meditate on.  Give your worries to God.  He's a good carrier.

do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6, 7 ESV)

casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7 ESV)


Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. (Psalm 55:22 ESV)

3 months ago

We woke up on a Tuesday exactly 3 months ago today and felt God's leading in a completely new direction.  Up until that point, Chi Alpha was just a name.  After that day, it became our focus.  Or rather, learning and raising money to get to an internship.  Doors began to fly open, and a mere 90 days later we find ourselves 600 miles away from home, immersing ourselves in a new life.   I'd love to share the stories with you, and perhaps one day I will.  This move didn't come easily, and I am still recovering from it and an immediate trip to Tampa for a different kind of work.  Our house is a mess, Anna started school, events are happening daily.  It's a whirlwind and I haven't found my feet yet...but I'm happy to be here and so excited about this coming year.  Please, please, please keep us in your prayers.  At the moment, that we can survive the next 4 weeks, and also, that our girls will continue to transition easily and happily.  We also need to raise a few hundred more a month to keep us on track.  If you are already supporting us, thank you.  If you aren't supporting us yet, we ask that you prayerfully consider joining our support team.

We love you guys!  It's been a wild ride and we are just getting started!

10 days away!

Well, the big move day is just over a week away.  This is just the freakiest thing!  So far we've raised just over $1500/month in support, found and put a deposit on a house, rented a storage building, reserved a truck, and started the packing and sorting process.  It's been a total whirlwind.  I definitely have had my freak out moments, but overall, I have peace about every step we have taken and are taking.  I am continually amazed at the way God is providing.  Just yesterday, we received a completely unexpected refund check in the mail from a Dr.'s office.

I am kinda feeling overwhelmed right now with all the stuff that has to be accomplished in the next 10 days.  I am wondering if I am even going to have the time to get it all done!  (probably shouldn't even be taking the time to blog, oops!)  Nick just chalks it all up to me trying to cram as much stuff as possible into an already packed schedule.  I do tend to do that to myself.  As if I am making some kind of dare to me to finish everything!

Anyway, that's kind of an update.  We still have to raise $500 more a month before we are officially allowed to begin the internship.  I totally believe we will make that and surpass it and reach the goal of what we need to live on for the next year.

Just keep us in your prayers that this will get done.  And remember, the faster we get this done, the faster I'll stop talking about it and move on to other things!  :)

Love you all!

Texting was invented for me

Alright, I am just going to lay it all on the line here...  I hate talking on the phone.  More than talking on the phone, I hate calling people.  Family, friends, complete strangers.  I just don't want to dial.  Call me, I'll be happy to talk to you, but please don't make me initiate.  It's awkward.  I don't handle awkward well.  This one thing is probably on the top of Nick's pet peeve list of stuff I do.  I'll grab the phone, dial the number, and hand it off to him.  I used to talk on the phone for hours and hours.  I couldn't tell you what it all was about.  I guess I just talked myself out in my teen years and I have nothing left now.  But mostly, it's just awkward.  

That's all.  Just needed to get that out tonight.